The theory behind the method says that each of us finds a partner who requires what we reveal as part of our nature to re-claim their whole self, and vice versa. Our partner becomes the healer of our past pains.

Harville Hendrix, PhD, maintains that everyone can create a healing, loving relationship, often without ongoing therapy. The refreshing discovery is that his method is not just an interesting theory, but a practical system with skills to practice and worksheets to assist you.

The basic assumption of this method says that a committed relationship and marriage is not only a goal, but it has a mission. That mission is to help each other heal the childhood ‘wounds' that absolutely everyone carries within. Each of us has wounds. One does not have to have been abused or neglected as a child to be wounded, even a happy childhood carries wounding. "Children," said Freud, "are creatures that are never satiated, and there is no parent in the world who can react perfectly to the changing needs of the children."

Hendrix maintains that not only are the frustrations we experience as adults actually tied to unfulfilled needs or other hurts in our childhood, but that choosing our partner is a consequence of our unconscious desire to heal or repair those wounds. Our unconscious seeks the person who, on the surface, looks the least capable of giving us what we need most, primarily because that person is very much like our parents or other childhood caregivers.