The 'old brain' recognizes the sense of safety and security from those people who took care of us and influenced us from the moment we were born, even conceived.

Every one of us carries within a picture or image that is actually a combination of the positive and negative characteristics of all these people and their attitudes toward us. This image is called the 'Imago'.

Romantic attraction, falling in love, depends very much on a potential partner's conformity to that image. The moment we meet somebody, the 'old brain' has its own agenda and checks to see if the characteristics of this person match what we already know. The chance of 'falling in love' grows proportionately as the conformity of the partner to the unconscious image increases.

Why does our unconscious look for and find the person, who to the conscious mind, appears to be the least likely to be able to give us what we are looking for?

It is because the image that we hold inside consists not only of the positive qualities of caretakers, but also of the negative that we have experienced. At first glance, it looks like a trap: Why should we go again to those places that hurt us?

In a logical, conscious choice of a partner, we were supposed to look for someone who could compensate for what we did not receive from our caretakers-certainly not for someone who would act just like them! For example, if a person was wounded through parents who were not reliable and trustworthy, one would think they would look for a partner they could easily trust. Someone who had a parent that was very over-protective should look for someone who would allow them freedom.

This is not what happens. The process of choosing our partner is governed far more by the unconscious. Our chosen partner becomes a mirror image of ourselves.